In Which Destiny and Kat Kidnap a Pirate...Sort of

Once upon a time on the island at the end of the world there was a fearsome pirate named Clar.

Here is the story of how we kidnapped her.

But first, a short prelude:

After a delightful week of writing and not a great deal else we made our way to Wellington. In Wellington there is a mountain of magic and mystery where a number of scenes from Lord of the Rings were filmed. Thus it was absolutely necessary that we run around in a hired Hobbit cloak and take pictures of ourselves tumbling down the hill in search of mushrooms and hiding from the Nazgul (and being the Nazgul for that matter). We also visited the River Anduin, the Ford of Isen, and Rivendell. All of this took two days. (Can you imagine what it would have been like if we had walked the entire way? One of us might have died!)

While waiting to board the ferry to the South Island, we spotted a WWI-era army jeep, complete with WWI-era soldiers. We then spent a while discussing whether New Zealand was actually that far behind in military defense. Upon inquiry, we learned that they were not in fact members of the military, but re-enactors--very friendly re-enactors with lots of stories to tell. Thus passed a pleasant ferry ride.

After bidding goodbye to our new friends, we headed to our hostel in Picton, where we were too late for the famed hot chocolate pudding. We were not, however, too late for our kind kiwi guide Esther to have a lengthy discussion on morality with various other hostel dwellers. Because that's the sort of thing that happens in hostel common rooms.

In Hanmer Springs, we had our first experience with the magic of hot water bottles. In a land without central heating, these are the only thing standing between us and a long night of icy feet. We also visited Captain Mike's Fish and Chip Shop, where travelers are encouraged to write a note on the front window. We composed a limerick:

Two travelers in Hanmer Springs
Ate some fish and chips fit for kings.
At Captain Mike's
Everyone likes
The food and the fullness it brings.

That's right. Nobel-worthy. Next time you're in Hanmer Springs, look us up.

We then made our way to the city of Christchurch. We had a brief walking tour of the earthquake devastation downtown, as well as a tour of Esther's lovely and multitudinous friends who lived nearby. On the deadly rapids of the Avon River in Christchurch, Destiny had her first kayaking experience, alongside many families of fluffy ducklings.

Continuing our way south, we reached Oamaru, steampunk capital of New Zealand and home of the annual Victorian Heritage Fete. Among the many unique sites of Oamaru was one Katherine Harrell in a Victorian skirt and shawl, looking rather like a spinster governess. Also at the fete were fencers, pipe-smoking and penny farthings a-plenty.

But you don't care about any of that. What you really want to know is how we (sort of) kidnapped a pirate.

As it is necessary when kidnapping a pirate to look like a pirate, we had to stop on the side of the road and change into pirate paraphernalia, including eyepatches, a Jolly Roger, and a dark curly fro wig (think Screech from Saved by the Bell). Armed with our two-dollar plastic swords, we charged the abode of the above-mentioned fearsome pirate Clar. We kicked down the door (though you could say we knocked on the door and her mum let us in). We banged on the bathroom door, but then our plans were scuppered by the fact that our would-be hostage refused to meet her captors face-to-face for the first time half-naked.

We don't know why she had a problem with this.

We then waited with uncharacteristic and rather un-pirately patience for her to emerge in her orange and pink floral robe. She informed us that she hated us, and then hugged us. All the while, the fluffy black cat named Glitzy Candle-Bears made us feel very welcome and then bit Katherine on the hand. We very much enjoy the company of Sparkly Lightbulb-Pandas.

The following morning we sadly bid farewell to Clar's (who is sometimes, when she is not feeling particularly piratey, also called Clare) mum and Glamour Matchstick-Grizzlies and set off for the Catlins.  We spent two days climbing waterfalls, exploring beaches, staying proper distances away from penguins, and debating feminism. It was lovely.

We have now returned to the home of Clare, Glitter Sparkler-Yogis, Clare's parents and sister Moira (who requested to be described to America as "awesomeness and writingness". She is indeed both of these things.)

The moral of the story: When kidnapping pirates, be careful petting the cat or he will bite you.